If Dragon Gate Factions Were Products Sold On Late Night Informercials
by Bryan HughesReal Hazard: An easy-to-follow guide on safeguarding your home.
Pos.Hearts: Portable pacemaker.
Waku Waku Fujii Land: TV’s Alan Thicke sells timeshares to a seaside villa near an eccentric Okinawa theme park.
New Hazard: The follow-up to the best-selling Real Hazard series, focusing on baby-proofing your home.
Aagan Iisou: Erotic massage tool.
Muscle Outlaw’z: An 8-tape VHS set of exercise tapes based on prison workouts.
World-1: Electronic pocket dictionary that can translate most words into the world’s 30 most spoken languages.
Deep Drunkers: A set of inflatable drink coasters, for when you need to keep your beer ice cold while swimming.
Do Fixer: An all-purpose non-toxic spray-can product that works as an industrial strength super glue, and dries instantly. Originally endorsed by Billy Mays, now sold by that English guy who replaced him.
Mad Blankey: From the makers of the Snuggie…
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